Episode I: The Phantom Hernia

OK, I developed a small lump in my groin and managed to persuade myself that I had given myself a hernia through the high-energy, athletic lifestyle that I am so famous for (ahem).

Doctors says, off to the ultrasound clinic for you melad. Ultrasound? You mean what they give to pregnant women? Youbetcha, he says. I'm still not convinced, especially when the operator, while probing my regions with a lubed-up probe (say that in Darlinghurst and you may just get what you wish for) says; 'Push'.

Push! Push what?

Anyhow, seems I don't have a hernia, but I may be growing a second willie. Well, you can only hope - the old one's wearing a little thin.

The really good thing about all this I am now in a position to bring you (drum-roll)...Ladies and Gentlemen...

My Testicles.