Friday, October 13, 2006

Oldies - Last Hurrah

Me and sis, Debbie. I told her that if she didn't look like she likes me, I would kill her children. What do you think. Is that good enough?

Me and mum.

Pebbles. All grown up since the last visit.

This is just gagging for captions. Mick: 'Are you sure these are mine?'. Billy: 'Yeah, I'm cool'. Zoe: 'I'll smile just as soon as my teenage hormones grow up'

Mum and Brian. They visited us in Sydney last year.

View out the back of the pub where we had lunch.

Oh, and someone else got Kim some flowers - which probably edges me a little closer to the dog house.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Hackney Empire

Right after the footie, we jumped on a train and shot down to Hackney, grabbed some grub and went to a stand-up comedy show at the Hackney Empire. This theatre was falling apart when a few celebs got together to get it restored. Now it's back to it's wonderful original self.

Not only that, tonight was for a good cause. The NO2ID campaign is trying to stop the government introducing compulsory ID cards to the freedom-loving denziens of the country that brought us Magna Carta. Why? Well for lots of reasons and here's an analysis.

The stage all set up.

Some of it's old grandeur.

The audience settling in.

And they even painted the ceiling.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Yidos

Footie time. And when we go to the footie, it's Spurs or nothing.

Tottenham Hotspur Football Club.

Wasn't allowed in here. Sulk. Sulk.

Security keeps a close eye on the centre spot.

The Blue Army settles in.

A cock. Dressed as a cock.

'Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough.'

The match officials leave their guide dogs on the touch-line before getting down to work.

There is a short pause while a Spurs winger checks in with the STD clinic.

And they're off.


This was home to Portsmouth at White Hart Lane. 43 seconds later and Spurs scrambled one in. If this was the olympics, they would have been penalised on artistic interpretation. But is wasn't - so there. A barely disputed penalty secured the second and Portsmouth got a consolation goal. 2-1 Portsmouth. Put that where the sun don't shine.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

The South Bank

Every city has its good side and its bad side. London is no exception. North of the river is where all the decent, cultured people live. It's the seat of government, where you'll find the West End and has all the best pubs. As for the south, nobody should be that close to France by choice.

The one shining light, however, is the South Bank. So horrified at its location is this area that it snuggles up as close to the river as it can so as to espy the beauty beyond and wistfully sigh; 'One day. One day'.

Let's take our lives in our hands and go to see what's it's all about.

Let's no be too hasty to cross the river. Here is a sun-dial near Tower Hill tube. Sadly missing one important component today.

What is it about Russel Crowe? This bloke has something to do with the fact that the Romans did a fair bit of work on London in times gone past - and probably set it on its course to be the city it now is.

The Glass Testicle. This new building is the home of the Mayor of London - Ken Livingstone right now. The mayor's office was created by the Labour government to restore a city-wide local government after the lovely Thatcher did away with the Greater London Council - ironically also headed by Ken Livingstone who she hated with a passion. I reckon that Ken giggled his tits off at that one.

The Tower and the Glass Dildo. Sadly, there is no decent vantage point where you can get this building and the one above in the same shot. Bugger.

HMS Belfast. Once a proper warship and now a floating museum. You can tell septic tourists that it does pleasure tours if you like.

There's Tower Bridge, the one that America thought is was going to put in a desert.

London Bridge. The replacement for the one that America actually put in a desert.

Another pathetic attempt by some idiot to get Londoners 'pulling together' when they would much rather be arguing over a beer.

A very nice renovated wharf.

See.

And just to ram the point home, there is a ship-like sculpture inside. That's taken a lot of drugs.

The Monument. To what, I hear you ask. To the Great Fire of 1666, that's what. It probably wasn't that great if you got caught up in it all though.

The carving at the base of the monument. We know it's all about the fire 'cos there's some blokes hanging around in floppy hats. Looking at a chick with her norks out.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

BBC

From the train going through Shepherds Bush - which, as always, sounds a bit rude - here is Television Centre where the best TV in the world comes from. If you don't count Eastenders, that is.

Just to drop names thickly on the carpet, I once hobnobbed in the BBC bar here with the likes of Paul Edington, Nigel Hawthorne and Derek Fowlds, from the cast of Yes Minister. I also chatted with Jonathan Lynn, the comedy writer from the show but didn't get to talk to Antony Jay who had all the inside dope on what really goes on in the corridors of Westminister - which was a shame 'cos he was the one I really wanted to meet.

I also have an unconfirmed sighting of Derek in a bar in Manila some years later but that is a whole other story.

Tip for getting free tickets to the shows - always ask for about 20 at once. They love groups, especially for the comedy audiences - better reaction, apparently. Then give away the ones you don't want.

Secure front entrance. We don't want pesky revolutionaries taking the place over and announcing a free republic, do we.

Now THEY are satellite dishes. You could get the news from Alpha Centuri on these babies.