Perth House

This is the house we are renting in Subiaco, Perth...

Right across the road is Brandy's Park. Scene of the 2007 Battle of Subiaco, this is where several thousand Concerned Parents heroically faced off a dozen dog walkers. In the ensuing bloodbath, Brandy, the clinically obese sausage dog, grimaced at the parent's right flank causing them to flee in terror and breaking the will of the main force. The dogs triumphed and Brandy will, for ever more, have somewhere to widdle.
Enough of that, here's the road entrance. Prudence forbids me from mentioning the dayglow orange Mazda 2 in the parking spot for number 3.
That's the gate to the house (number 3 out of 4 in the block).
There is a proper little courtyard in the front with, for some reason, a pot Dopey the dwarf .
The living room with the telly we rented.
There is a small back courtyard where Brandy sometimes likes to sun herself. To the left is the kitchen. Whatever that is.
The back courtyard is nothing much but it does have this strange contraption. I can only speculate what the denizens of WA would do with such a thing. Hang small marsupials on it, perhaps, or slice Emu's eggs.
As this is a 2-storey house there are stairs. They get you up-stairs. These builders didn't miss much, if you ask me.
I'm not going to comment on this because, if I did, a large number of internet nanny filters would have to sit down in a dark room with soothing music and a nice cup of tea.
And finally, this is from the balcony.

Sydney to Perth Round Up

Big Things

There were, in total, 10 Big Things on this trip and 4 of those 9 days saw 2 per day - which was very good indeed. On 3 of those days there were no Big Things at all and I have written a stern letter to the Prime Minister about this. You know who you are and I expect action.

Maybe Next Time...

I am considering a different basis for the next trip, quite possibly 'things that Kim walks into'. There were few days that Kim didn't bang her head, stub her toe, walk into something or drop food / drink / other substances down herself. These places should be immortalised - possibly with a plaque. I'll see what the National Trust thinks.

Caravan Parks Suck

It would be difficult to avoid these altogether. Depending on your fortitude / stupidity you could possibly cross the Nullarbor without stopping except for fuel. Everybody else needs at least one stop and that means a roadhouse - i.e. a thinly disguised caravan park. These apart, however, it is quite possible to avoid them altogether. Best would be the strange and interesting pubs / hotels along the way (where you get to meet serial killers on a more social basis). As we had the dog, motels are probably a good compromise. After all, what's the difference between sneaking a dog into a caravan park cabin and a motel cabin. And she likes the free motel biscuits.

The Nullarbor Serial Killer Drinking Game

If there's a lesson in the movies Wolf Creek and Jindabyne it's this; the Australian bush is crawling with serial killers and they all drive these:

But it's not all doom and gloom. So, you've been shot, stabbed and clubbed to death, and a serial killer is wiping your entrails on his bottom. Don't be down in the mouth, here's the Nullarbor Serial Killer Drinking Game:

Items required:

• Can of beer.
• Serial killer.

Method - choose depending on your serial killer:

1. You see a serial killer's car on the road going the other way - sip.
2. You see a serial killer's car in your rear-view mirror - quaff.
3. The serial killer pulls alongside, points at your car and shouts that something has caught underneath - stop the car and drink the lot.

1. The serial killer shoots you in the leg - sip.
2. The serial killer stabs you in the chest - quaff.
3. The serial killer puts a hammer through your head and has sex with the resulting hole - drink the lot.

1. The serial killer drowns you - sip.
2. The serial killer rapes you and then drowns you - quaff.
3. The serial killer drowns you and then rapes you repeatedly for the next month - drink the lot.

1. The serial killer hangs you on a wall with spikes through your arms - sip.
2. The serial killer shoots you from afar with a high-powered rifle - quaff.
3. The serial killer severs your spine with a big knife, eats your testicles and then sings 'Who's a little teapot' - drink the lot.

Disclaimer:

Of course, not everyone you meet in the outback is a serial killer. Half of them are the victims.

Northam to Perth

Last day. Of course, you really haven't crossed Australia until you get to the other ocean so let's have a look at the beach.

Yeah, I know it's rubbish but there really isn't much to look at along this road. This is Clackline. They sell very ordinary coffee.
First look at Perth. It's quite a relief really. I was always told that they were hunter-gatherers over here. I see that they now live in buildings.
Woohoo, the Indian Ocean. Now we've really gone coast to coast.
Not a bad beach either. There are even doggie beaches for Brandy to ignore (they are sooo common). Not bad for a state that, as far as we have seen so far, hates dogs. That, in the distance, is Freemantle which will be the subject of another blog.

Kalgoorie to Northam

The penultimate leg was to take us to within 100km of Perth so that we could get a good start to our 'moving in' day.

Coolgardie is an interesting place. Before they found a shed-load of gold at Kalgoorie, they found a moderate amount round here. Did they put up a lot of temporary stuff in case it was just a flash in the pan? Of course not. They went ahead and built a whole new town. Then everybody buggered off.
A shop that isn't. The only shop-like bit about this shop is the window.
There's a park with sculptures and old mining stuff. Here's a bloke on a camel - no doubt celebrating a past citizen who, well, got on a camel. Is that Lenin in the background? Who knows.
The more mining part of the park.
A bit of pipe. Not any old pipe, though. This is a bit of the almost 1,000km pipe that brought water to the area. No water, no gold. This is heroic stuff.
This is, I guess, a Big Thing. The Big Ned Kelly or Big Pikey depending on your point of view. Well, half of him, anyway. The top half, thank goodness

Had a little stop at a lookout - though there wasn't really much to look out at - and here's proof that I haven't yet driven the car off a cliff.
Everybody knows that when you walk up a hill, you have to add a rock to the cairn. Well, Kim does now.
More water-pipe stuff. This one of the pumping stations.
Finally an actual biggest-in-the-world something. This is where the rabbit-proof fence crosses the road.
And that's quite a fence. It does beg a few questions, though. Assuming that it was to keep rabbits out (or, I suppose, in), how did you guarantee that all the rabbits were one side of it? There really isn't much point in building a rabbit-proof fence THROUGH rabbits, is there. TO ONE SIDE makes much more sense. If the fence builders, quite apart from fence-building skills, had also mastered rabbit herding then we should be told. Unless you sort of shout 'all bunnies over here' and they move. That would be good.

Oh joy, another Big Thing. The Big Camera at Meckering.
Also, the site of one of Australia's biggest earthquakes measuring 6.9 - luckily, nobody noticed on account that this is probably the last place you would want to live. Didn't do the rail lines much good though. Fortunately, the Big Camera survived.
On to Northam which has (hmm, let's see if I can get all the qualifiers right) the longest pedestrian suspension bridge in Australia. It bounces.

Bridge / river / fountain. There are supposed to be white swans round here (no doubt all owned by H.M. Liz) but I'm buggered if I saw any.
Found some ducks, though,

And, anther bloody caravan park. Conveniently located 3km out of town - which may have been 300 given the walk to the nearest pub - this was the worst yet. Advertising itself as 'The Caravan Park on the banks of the Mortlock River' - yet forgetting to tell you that said river hasn't seen any water for years - this place is a dump. If I never see another caravan park for the rest of my life, it will be much too soon.

Balladonia to Kalgoorie

We decided to spend the next night in Kalgoorie. It's only a little way off the road, it's got lots of interesting gold-miney stuff and this is probably our only opportunity to see the place. There really isn't much of interest along the way though.

This is a lake. In a kind of weird reversal of terminology, just like the Nullarbor is full of trees, this lake has no water. I'm still not sure if I'm the object of some Australian 'ironic' joke or the people who went round naming stuff are just stupid.
The Superpit at Kalgoorie from a distance. I do hope that when I get their I won't find some kind of 'Superhill'.
Ah, so it really is a pit. Just for scale, that blob at the bottom is one of those enormous diggers. There are cars down there (on that ramp to the right) but, at this resolution, the just look like little dots. It's a pit. And it's super.
Another view down the pit. It's a bit hazy 'cos they just blew something up and there's a lot of dust around.
One of the scoops they use to get the gold out with.
This is a pub on the high street looking very colonial - it could be a curry house.
Here's an old gold miner. You don't need statues of new gold miners because you can see those everywhere falling out of pubs and brothels.
The caravan park we stayed at had this tackily themed entrance - and I am losing considerable patience with caravan parks. We have stayed in them since Ceduna now - the Nullarbor roadhouses are effectively the same. They are specifically designed to keep you away from anything remotely interesting about the area you are in - sighted, as they are, far enough away from the good stuff. In a caravan park, nobody can hear you scream - and they would be surprised if you didn't.

Border Village to Balladonia

Today we cross into Western Australia, drive along the longest straight bit of road in Australia and get caught up in a car crash - at a safe distance, I might add.

The quarantine station that steals your honey. I mean, really.
Me, with a testicle in each state. The dog hasn't got testicles - she's been 'done' - but likes to get in on the action.
Today's Big Thing fix - the other Big Whale at Eucla.
Eucla started life as a telegraph station - i.e. relaying messages down the line. They don't do that anymore - and the sand dunes are slowly knocking the remains off the map - so how do my emails get back to Sydney then, huh?
There's a dune for ya.
Looking down on Eucla from up the hill.
Ah, Twoarbor!
Looking back from Madura Pass. Oh, Manyarbor. Perversly, in the UK we call that a forest.

Says it all, really.
Now THAT's straight.
And when we got to Balladonia, we found this. The cops had blocked the road off 'cos of a fatal crash about 30km further on. The place was mental. The road wasn't expected to be opened for another 6 hours so people were trying to get accommodation for the night. We booked ahead - so there.

As to the cash itself, apparently, a 4WD with a couple of guys in it swerved under a road train and were mangle to death. The road train driver was 'a bit miffed' at the dent which just goes to show that you should pick your fights.

This is all the road trains waiting to get going. Later in the evening, they were cleared. The only downside to this place was all the hoons. Held up, they went to the pool, got drunk and started fighting.
The roadhouse has a museum - mostly full of rubbish - but when Skylab was deorbited, bits of it fell around here so they put some in the museum. Noice.